I asked you guys on Twitter what you wanted to see next and you guys voted on a vlog, so here it is! This is a compilation of videos that I shot last summer but didn't have the opportunity to upload because other things became more timely, more important, etc. I hope this entertains you and gives you a glimpse of what my life is like.
A big part of this vlog is about me opening up about my social anxiety. But I wanted to elaborate here to really make it clear.
I am not social.
You probably wouldn't have guessed from watching my videos. I seem like I have no trouble talking to people but that's not true.
Growing up, I've always had an issue when it came to talking to people. I was scared, I wouldn't look people in the eye, I was afraid of being judged — you name it. I still remember a time when my Mom took me to the park and because I was so lonely, went up to some of the children there and introduced me and asked them if they could play with me.
In elementary school, I never initiated conversations, I wouldn't speak unless spoken to, and I didn't raise my hand for answering questions even though I had straight A's. My teachers always told my parents on parent-teacher nights that I'm incredibly shy and I never participated in class even though they knew I had the right answer sitting on my tongue.
In highschool, I changed all that. The first day, someone asked me a question and in that moment I decided I wouldn't be shy anymore. I responded and was pleasantly surprised why they didn't react negatively to my opinion. I did a whole 180 and actually ended up becoming very arrogant and obnoxious throughout my teenage years. I gave no fucks about how people perceived me.
Fast forward to today, I've accepted how annoying and terrible I was as a teen and I don't want to ever become that type of person again. I wouldn't say I'm as bad as I was as a child, but I still feel very awkward inside when I'm at a networking or social event. I'm not great at small talk so to avoid coming off as fake or rude, in most cases, I don't bother. That doesn't mean I'm not a nice person. It just means that I'm not great at initiating conversations. But I want to be friends with everyone!